Clam Jam #26: Pea Green Bote

Holy shit we're walking around Six Flags AS WE SPEAK (thank you, timed posts) listening to this through shared iPod headphones and frilly-folly-frollicking through the roller coaster lines without a care in the world, except let's not let the Diet Coke get too warm, or the cigarettes too unavailable.

Summer time fun time! Hooray!

Clam Jam #25: Tell me how many years the classical era lasted, and you get 1600 points.

Just remembered that time I saw the NYC Ballet perform to Debussy and wept my eyes out more than I ever having after watching a chick flick, after watching a kitten get saved from a river, after watching a homeless cripple walk again.

This is the first symphony playing it on video that popped up after the old google mcsearchinstein. Are they the best? No. Is this song one of the best? Yes. Ever.

WARNING: Making Videos This Cute Is Prohibited By Law

Omigodz, it's red pandas snuggling through the snow.






If you do not watch this video until the very end you are a) soulless b) going partially blind, or c) destined to have extremely unattractive children. Godspeed. And Godredpandas.

Clam Jam #24: Best One Yet?

Galt Macdermot, oh me oh my how I love this song.

 

Go, go, go and listen to more here: http://www.galtmacdermot.com/downloads.htm

Click on Shapes of Rhythm. It's totes the best. Literally, I went and priced out a record player for this album. Just sayin'.

Flagrant Click-Mongering Headline of the Day: Social Apps Lead to RAPE

No seriously, this article from Gigaom is claiming that those little apps on your little internet phone are going to lead someone to forcibly insert their genitals into your genitals, or at the very least stalk your genitals. Maybe rub up on them a little.  So WATCH OUT.

But the real kicker here is what comes next in the story. Basically a "calm down, calm down guys" reassurance that while, yes, location-based apps can lead to very creepy, rapey things, it's nowhere near as bad as the Catholic church!

"Banjo CEO Damien Patton responded that 'more people have been harmed by the Catholic Church' than the popular social networks."

So we should all take a chill pill (preferably a rufie). Letting people know what bar you're at: ok. Meeting with a pastor behind closed doors: doomsday, for your genitals.

Apparently Patton and Newspepper.com founder Hermione Way "clashed Monday on a panel discussing privacy at Monday’s Social Loco conference." I hope this spawns more debate--maybe a "Which is rapier?" tumblr,  with two photos side by side. First up: 

YOU BE THE JUDGE.

Clam Jam #23

Well, that was short lived, wasn't it? Trying to to keep the clam alive while things go gettin' all crazy again. (fairy tale stories in the works though, for realz!)

Clam Jam #22: Ava Luna, Get Into It

So I'm about a year late into the game on these guys. Typical. Whatevs. Video below but then listen to all their music right now on their site. Hooray Ava Luna!
 

Old School Cartoons are Cray

Kids these days, amirite? The cartoons they're watching just have no understanding of the OVERWHELMING COMPLEXITY OF LOVE AND HAPPINESS AND LONELINESS AND TERROR.

Not back in the dzay. Back then, they understood that kids need to just MAN UP, and face what life is throwing at them.

Check out this super old Felix the Housecat from 1919. It's so cute! You love it so much! And then, SPOILER ALERT: it ends in tragic suicide over unwanted bastard children. No joke. Check it out:



Aside from being the bee's knees, this 1932 Betty Boop cartoon is also completely terrifying. Just wait for the ending: You're all "holy hell, what's happening with that baby?!" Kids, don't do drugs.




Jump forward a few years again to 1942, and the cartoons were all about the war. Could you imagine if there were cartoons about Iraq or Afghanistan like this now? That would be wild. This cartoon has obviously been banned, along with other wild examples like the totally not offensive or propagandizing at all PopEye episode "You're a Sap Mister Jap." (But now with NDAA 13 who knows...)




Um, ok actually maybe I take all this "different eras of cartoon creepiness" stuff back because dear lord almighty this next cartoon just ruined my day, and it's from 1986. I'm a little confused about how it can even BE, and what happened to all the kids who actually saw this on TV? Probably eating people's faces in Florida or something. Also probably Janeane Garofalo.





Wait... WHAAAAT?! I am sinking into existential hell now:





Alright, so I take it all back. Cartoons these days aren't any less scary. Shit. They're just scary in technicolor preposterousness. I need to get out of here. Moral of  the story: all of our innocent child minds are doomed.

Clam Jam #21: EMI, You Go to Hell

Alright, hold the phone. This little clam is a little upset.

Here I am, on a lovely Saturday, trying to post up a simple clam jam to represent the crazy tazmanian wind storm of housecleaning that I'm about to stir up before leaping out to frolic in the concrete jungle.

What song is purely representative of said housecleaning party? The Buzzcocks' "Why Can't I Touch It." No doubt.

So off I went to find a youtube video, to share the music with the world, in an age where sharing is not a right or a privilege but a completely assumed and inherent part of life. Imagine my shock and dismay when I saw this:

GAH I can't even embed a code to the video. Screengrab:

EMI, you are the neanderthal of media, and like the neanderthals you should just lay down and die in a frigid ice age--coming from the cold, cold hearts of all of the potential fans you alienated with your inability to adapt to sociocultural paradigm shifts. Just die. Darwinianly.


Ok... mind fuck. Just tried to go to the EMI website to try and pull up some tidbits I could use as hate-ammo, but alas! This:

You have got to be kidding me. No way in hell am I entering that god forsaken website.

Now listen, I know that this whole fight-technological-progress-and-cling-to-old-intellectual-property-models-to-keep-making-money-in-the-same-way-we-always-have-despite-the-fact-that-the-way-people-consume-media-has-completely-changed-forever thing is an ethos shared by pretty much all major corporate powers.  They are big and unwieldy and bureaucracy-laden and well, even if a bunch of good people are trying to change the way things work from within, it's just not going to happen over night.

A) Allow me to please remind you that it is the year 2012.

B) I hope to god that in their stick with the status quo decision making process, they are at least talking about the fact that cordoning off media makes all of Gen Y hate their brands and their businesses a little bit more, every single time. Not wise, folks. Just not good business.

Ok done. Did that even make sense? I don't know, but I have some laundry to do.

Do youself a favor and go listen to the song on Spotify. For now, live version:



And fuck you I'm out.

Olympic Dress-Up

So the 2012 Olympics are just around the corner, and I am psyched. Mostly I'm all, "OMIGOD Gymnastics!" but I also dig the swimming and the track and field stuff, too.

But most importantly, really, is the xenophobic, nationalistic pride you get to display all. the. time.

Fuck you Usain Bolt, JAMAICA IS GOING DOWN! USA! USA! USA!

And if you're going to be drunk and screaming about your patriotism, you obviously must look the part.
Here are a few things to stock up on while you're waiting for the Olympic showdown to kick off on July 27th:

Holy moly those last ones really are the winners, but I'm digging that variation with the shorts pockets too instead of the now seen-everywhere this (which is also still pretty sweet): 

So go out there and spend some Amurrican dollars on some real Amurrican shit (most of which is probably made in Camburrdia), and get head-to-toe JAZZED for the Olympics.

I can't wait.

UPDATE 6/4: Oh my god, add this to the list times 12.