Yeah, it Was Fun

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Hey Kids - It's National Celebrate Something Asinine Day!

Man, America. I know you all like to get drunk, but can't we just admit it and stop making up holidays to celebrate? Or why not claim it National Drinking Century? That should clear everything for a while.

Whatevs. Until that happens (which, duh, it will), here are some things I'll be drinking to for the next few weeks. These are real holidays, celebrated by totally normal people, all across America, particularly in those parts of America where the majority of citizens have garden gnomes, and seasonal flags.

Ok, let's start things off right with June 19-25: Carpenter Ant Awareness week. Only one day left to get all your carpenter appreciation out! I'll start you off with a little factoid (for your awareness)-- carpenter ants hollow out sections of trees to make wood, but they DON'T eat it! That's termites, son. Now you know.


June 27 - Decide to be Married Day. Watch out James. I'll be doing shots and dreaming up my best proposal speech, which will probably contain the word "di'ntcha."

ALSO on June 27: "Happy Birthday to You" Day. This is especially offensive to people actually born on the day of June 27, so I'll be spending most of my partying time pouring one out for all those homies.

June 30: National Hand Shake Day. Germaphobes, get your gloves on. And peace be with you.


July 2: I Forget Day. Man, if there was ever a holiday to drink through, it's this one. Plus it's fourth of July weekend, so get to it!

July 6: Take Your Webmaster to Lunch Day. So, uh...yeah. Looks like you better hurry up and get yourself a webmaster. Preferably one who likes to shotgun beers.

July 10: Don't Step on a Bee Day. A grueling day for beekeepers everywhere. Cheers to you, beekeepers!

Whew! Well, after all those hard-partyin' celebrations, I'm going to need to take a little breather. But rage on America, you crazy, crazy bastards.

BRAAAAAAIINNSSS

Oh snap! The Daily Clam is back from the dead, mud sucker! (This post has been censored by TNT, who is sick of all my bad language and stink.) I got some interns around, got some junior associates around, and now, all of a sudden my life is back on track.

What better way to celebrate coming back from the dead than with a post about zombies?

Zombie love is the most important morbid dead stuff craze, clearly outweighing any of this current vampire nonsense. Those bloodsuckers are so petty and short-lived, they're already being taken over by werewolves. Full moons, rah rah. No way is any of that stuff ever going to hold a candle to zombies.

Over the decades, man's love for dead men eating other men has been expressed in a great number of ways. There are the movies, duh. But there are also books and calendars and garden ornaments and just all sorts of crazy stuff.

And there are many, many people--just average, ordinary, typically drunk people--who love to pretend they are the risen dead.

You have emo zombies...

Embarrassing dad zombies...

The zombies who like turtles...


This guy...

The I have a strange message about feminism zombies...

The holy shit you're actually a zombie zombie...

Zombie bunny?


And the always-confusing, not quite sure how I'm supposed to be feeling about this, sexy zombies.

Whew, what a thrill ride! Feel free to send in all your favorite zombie pictures because - hey! who's working?

Addendum: Remember that time we were those average, ordinary, typically drunk people who love to pretend they're the risen dead? We loved it so much.

Clam Jam #18: The Power of the Remix

So I'm heading off to New Orleans tomorrow for work, like a big girl. What better song title for a NOLA trip than "Heat and Hot Water"? Is that actually a total non-sequitur? Whatevs. It makes sense to me.

Here's the band ARMS performing the OG version in the studio (chosen so that once in a while these things can actually be videos, and not just a stagnant picture of a cat or something.)



Alright, so it's a song. It has some good points, some personality, a little build up. The guy's voice could be stronger, which it is in the actual mastered version. (Here, if you care for some reason.)

BUT... the Birds & Batteries Remix! It's so great. It's like wait... OG version? Who are you? Get out of my ears and make way for this:

Another Amazing Thing I Now Own

All of this purchase bragging is getting ridiculous. Am I becoming a hauler? Could I somehow be like the Fowlers? (Note: these ladies are great people to love loathing on the internet.)

Whatever, I don't care. Becuase in addition to my AMAZING bouncy ball, I have just purchased an EVEN MORE AMAZING TIMES TEN jacket, and it deserves great amounts of jaw dropping recognition. Behold:


Is it almost enough to overtake THE COAT in its awesomeness?


Join our Town Hall debate Saturday, May 14th to voice your opinion. It's actually on twitter. It's a town hall twibate. #koolkidskoatz


Um, for those of you who clicked the Fowler link and watched the video:
a. "Gimme, gimme. Buy, buy."
b. I hope this jacket helps awkard, choke collar-wearing tweens "understand what they would want more."

Ok PEACE I'm about to go hit the streetz with this thing on and blow everyone's minds.

Clam Jam #17

Sometimes you just gotta get your head out of the city game, you know? This song. It makes it happen. It's almost like I'm not spending my entire life at work, and instead I'm just driving down winding, sunny roads, off to sit on a porch and play music and drink beer out of cans, and maybe later on put my toes in fresh, running water somewhere. Oh, high school summers. I want you so bad. Jesse Woods makes me think meaningfully about the leaves and clouds passing over my head as I'm walking through the concrete jungle every morning. And I sincerely appreciate him for that.

Really Bad Photoshopping from a Company Who Should Know Better

Seriously Pepsi? How many times do I have to make fun of you before you realize that you suck? You need a new ad agency. This is getting ridiculous.

It looks like Bob from distribution just moseyed on over to the brainstorming sesh with a pack of crayons and drew in that can on his lunch break. This is how you treat product placement? Like a side project for a toddler? (Sorry, Bob. Not that you're a toddler.)

Also, your girl has camel toe over there. It's actually, like, the same size as the Pepsi can. This is clearly a lopsided approach.

Let's get it together.

Obvious News Story of the Week #2

I didn't think it would be so easy to find another extremely obvious news story, but then Bam! An MTV teen mom gets a divorce. Thanks, Leah. I'll cry on the inside for you while wearing sweatpants and eating Oreos on my futon. (Alright, let's be honest. I always cry on the outside during Teen Mom.)


Did you catch that last quote? "Bad life decisions equal good ratings." That's one of the smartest things anyone at TMZ has said in at least ever.

But seriously, Leah's life is pretty sad. One of her twin babies clearly has down syndrome, and probably some neurological disorders, which I'm sure the show's directors did some sort of kitten murder ritual to make happen. You know, for the show. I'm also pretty sure that baby's conditions are much more easily diagnosable than the show would have you believe. The ratings are better if you can really tease out the (completely tragic) prognosis.

So aside from being totally insensitive to this baby mama's hard knock life, there's not much left to say except "Figured" and "Duh." At least we got to see what might have happened had Gary and Amber actually gotten married last season. Oh how I wish...

The Newest Member of Our Family

Remember SPUD balls? Those noisily bouncy, perfectly textured rubbery, made for elementary school recess-y balls that also popped up in every dodge ball and kick ball game you've ever played? Yeah, they were good. And they still are. I just found this beast in Duane Reade, and I am pumped beyond belief:


Not only is it a classic street game ball, bound for the blocks of New York, but it is also covered in a checkered DINOSAUR pattern. It's also Gary's new best wrestling friend.

So, yeah. SPUD league over the summer anyone? This is a serious proposition. If anyone would like to bring sweatbands, spandex biking shorts, and a long roster of potential team names, let me know. I'm down.

Clam Jam #16: You Better Already Be Up On This

So you all are already listening to this in the shower every morning, right? And watching the video every time you're pre-gaming in your kitchen? Just me? What are you THINKING?! This video is so effing legit I can't take it.

Still Here

So the blog, right? The god damned blog! I've been 100% M.I.A. more than I've ever been before. I'm M.I.A. like a bunch of Colombian militants snatched me up while I was innocently scoping out the Lipstick plant in its natural habitat... or something.

Guys, listen. If ever I complained about my job, please disregard all of that. I am currently working from 9am-9pm each day, on average, in addition to some projects on the weekend. And, you know, fine. If I went to business school where it's all "Rawr, 70 hour weeks to prove yourself and move up the ladder, and blarrgghhh! Fucking suits!" Then fine. But you know what? I went to school to be a writer, with the specific aim of doing music journalism. So this has been tough, and unexpected.

And I appreciate the pay check and all, but I would like to be able to schedule both cooking meals and doing laundry in the same day, and not have that blow the fucking schedule to pieces.

Have I mentioned that I'm also recording an album? (Um, have I also mentioned how totally aware and self-conscious I am of the personal nature of this blog post compared to all the others?) Well, yeah. I'm recording an album, and that takes up mega-blocks of time too.

So here stands The Daily Clam, with a new fantastic banner made by the one and only Dan Curry. And here stands my apology for the lack of new posts in the wake of new design.

Should we talk about Rebecca Black? Should we talk about Libya? Should we talk about the weather consistently breaking the 50-degree mark? None of it seems quite right.

You know what does?

The New and Improved Daily Clam

As you may have noticed, The Daily Clam got a sexy new makeover. We're a bit sleeker, a bit more polished, and a bit more grown up, though we're still the same drinking, smoking, rainbow-loving ladies we've always been. It's a lot like JWoww's Harper's Bazaar makeover, but with less boobs.

We must give our deepest thanks to the very handsome and talented Dan Curry, who also made the banner over at 90on95. He redesigned the whole site for us because he loves us and appreciates our deep and abiding love for clams, funny internet videos, and mocking the south. We hope you guys enjoy our new redesign. In honor of this glorious occasion, here are some very awesome clams.

A Movie Everyone Should Watch

Uh, or not, if you want to continue feeling ok with your life, health, and the future of mankind.



This documentary is really great, and runs the full gamut of issues that arise from bottled water. (Bonus: it's play instant on Netflix.) I'm seriously considering carrying around a giant glass container around with me for the rest of my life--possibly the Thermo.

Sounds of Shellfish Video Consortium (a.k.a. The Most Epic Clam Jam of All Time)

Put your party hats on. We're sinking deep to the bottom of the sea for the most clamtastic underwater dance party this side of the universe. (I know that because, you know, water's tough to find out there.)

Now, we all know there are many kinds of shellfish. But let's kick it off with the obvious. (I just can't contain myself.)

Can you believe that video exists? Man, that was fun. On to the next!

If you thought that last video was made by a person who's probably, generally pretty creepy and is keeping the whole "having friends" thing to a bare minimum, then what do you think about the guy who made this?

That song is as good as that video was sad and confusing. The description? "Pulling Mussels (From the Shell) with footage from 1960 Seaside Heights, New jersey." Sure, why not. Let's just mash those two things together, because what else are you going to do with your "Footage of Seaside Heights, New Jersey" collection? Can't just leave that sitting next to the TY Beanie Babies your whole life.

Hey guys... so now that we've gotten two clam jams under our belt, want to see another totally odd, slightly creepy, this time non-sequitur video?

Man, I could hardly get through that! Nice video Parker McParkinsons. Ah, but how I love Stephen Malkmus. And oysters! It's a perfect pairing.

Don't worry, this next video is an actual music video... oh no wait, it's totally not. That's just footage from Disney's Alice in Wonderland. Just some random clips that have absolutely no connection with the song. God, youtubians. What are you doing with your lives?

You know, I bet all the other shellfish make fun of crabs for their stupid legs. Who walks on those? Stupid crabs.

Alright. I've had about enough of this unrelated content. At least the Elvis fans know how to make a video...

This, by the way, is both my personal mantra and my life's theme song.

Ok, should we stop at five for now? Secretly (err.. not so secretly) I have a couple more up my sleeve. I was putting them all together to make Asher a CD that would UTTERLY BLOW HIS MIND. Guess I kinda ruined it. But what else can you do when it's 75 degrees out and you're stuck at your desk watching the sun slowly set, waiting for your boss to get out of a meeting so you can present him your work, you know? What else do you do?

Maybe when I get home I'll put up the rest...

Obvious News Story of the Week

Based on the promise of this post title, I hope this can actually become a weekly event. But seriously, who knows if news can ever get this obvious:


Get the full punch line here.

The Silver Lining

Alright, so I've been paying far too much attention to this nuclear disaster in Japan (which everyone should have expected of me by now), and perhaps my commentary has remained insensitive (as it is wont to do). I would just like to say that the following (awesome) information with its generally unapologetic tone is in no way reflective of my actual feelings towards the Japanese people or their horribly tragic situation.

After hours of reading the New York Times and watching CNN today, I finally laid eyes on what may be the most heart-wrenching footage to come out of this entire disaster. Well, actually I only saw the teaser to the heart wrenching footage, which shows, Anderson Cooper explained, one injured dog unwilling to leave another injured dog behind amidst the rubble of the tsunami. This was said over a brief clip of the able-to-walk dog looking frantically back and forth between rescue crews and the shivering, immobilized dog in said story. And seriously, I almost shed a tear over 1.5 seconds of film.

And then I remembered Homeward Bound, one of the least mentioned gems of the 90s. This is the silver lining of watching two injured dogs whimper to each other: remembering Homeward Bound exists. That's it. That's all there is. Consider this trailer the one salvaged treat from the scrap heap, and (however begrudgingly) thank me.



Also, I'm pretty sure my kids are going to watch this trailer and find it odd in the same way I find the Deliverance trailer odd. How can a couple years make movies so different?

The Real OG

Here's a quick moment for all you number one stunners out there.



Oh wait, did I say it was a quick moment? I want to drink in all this amazing detail.

Aw, The South: Part 3

In our continuing map-based series mocking the deficiencies of the south, I'd like to draw everyone's attention to something very near and dear to my heart: our nation's diabetes belt.

Haha, just kidding! But seriously, take a look at this so-called diabetes belt.

I'm thinking the southeast is so saturated with diabetics because of it's proximity to the Coca-Cola factory. I don't know about you guys, but when I hear the phrase "diabetes belt" all I can think of is this.

Aw, The South: Part 2

State by state, who's getting out to the dentist? Here's a hint: it's not the south.




Check out some other cool maps and such here.

I Missed National Grammar Day

Man if theirs a day I live for its National Grammer Day? March Forth has came and went, and I didn't even notice it: bummer.

At least I can listen to the Grammar Hall of Shame playlist.

Aw, The South

I was doing some research for a new project on income and education today, and stumbled upon this amazing graphic from ACS' Education Attainment in the United States: 2007 Report. (It's the latest one available.) Judging by how much this makes me want to point and laugh at the south, I'm probably not the right man for the non-profit education research role I've just been thrust into, eh?

Clam Jam #15

Just revisited my "morning mix" for the first time since the fall, and shuffle uncovered this winner pretty quickly. Out of all my personal ego stroking moments, I think this is the most genuine, because I 100% do not remember a) adding this song to this mix or b) ever hearing this song at all, period. And yet, I'm like, "Yo, this song is just embodying my walk to the train at 8:47 a.m." (Alright, let's be honest, it's 8:53).

Semi-gratuitous clarification: This song embodies my walk to work when it's 28 degrees and overcast, a.k.a. all of January and February. Come July, it will be a whole new, probably-more-upbeat story.

Rock, Paper, Idiot

Are you smarter than a computer? The New York Times lets you test your wits against one in a classic game of Rock, Paper, Scissors. The screen grab below shows that my brain came out victorious. However, this is the second time I played. The first time I lost, 4 to 11. So when robots take over the world, don't come to me for help.




Test it out for yourself.

Stop Motion

Stop motion videos! What fun!

This first one kind of creeps me out a little? It's definitely not supposed to. It's really cool, especially when she starts "swimming."

Here's another, reminding us all how insanely annoying it is to watch someone else play Tetris. Idiot!

I'm pretty sure this beard growing one is going around, but man, I need to harp on it. All stop motion videos are outrageously tedious to make, but this one took an entire year of dedication. And how did he line himself up so well day by day? I'm impressed.

Alright, is all of this getting a little dull? Let's end it on awesome:

Books and Nooks

Aren't books great? Don't say no; you'll look like an idiot. It's a fact of humanity that books are indeed fantastic.

But man, they take up so much space! I live in a 2x4 box and I have a really hard time throwing out printed materials. Magazines I find stupidly hard, but at least I can do it every six months or so. But books? I can not throw out a book. I must hold on to it and stare at it taking up space on my shelf for all eternity.

There's something about feeling like you have a library that's really satisfying, right? That's why I'm really satisfied that an entire wall of my living room is taken over by a series of book shelves. Granted, only the bottom half of said shelf system is actually holding books, but that's because we happen to hold onto a lot of other junk too, specifically... curios. So there are some books in the kitchen and under the bed too, but WHATEVER. That's not the point. The point is putting lots of books together into a library is a super satisfying thing to do in life. Plus, it makes you look smart, and probably kinda cool. (Unless you're like me and you put your books together by genre. Then you're a nerd who should probably go work at the library and get it all over with.)

There are many ways to put your books to decorating use. Check it:
Bet you never thought to make the walls out of books, huh? Well, you can thank the Michel Berger Hotel in Berlin for this one. Apparently it's a really rad hotel with theme rooms. Yeah, I said it: rad. Totally tubular.

This bookshelf is combining my love for book storage with my intense love of maps, and well... it's intense. My love for it is intense. I want a grand foyay to display all of my amazingness amongst these stately shelves.


(I'd probably just fill the Alabama shelf with porn and the backs of cereal boxes, because let's get serious.)

Another really awesome thing to do with books is color code them. Full disclosure: I did this with my CDs back in the day when people actually had those.



Speaking of color coding, and other tedious tasks:



Woo, that was fun!

If you're going to decorate your home with books, then man, you gotta have a nook. Books and nooks is like peanut butter and jelly! Ricky and Lucy! Stickers and glitter!

(Sneak attack: some of these people combined their nooks and their books. It's pure genius.)



Hello!? This nook makes me want to get tuberculosis or something. I would never ever leave, and drink so much tea and paint my nails so many colors and read SO MANY BOOKS. (Assuming I wasn't dying or anything. Whatever.)


Aren't they beautiful?

I desperately want to live in a place where I can build a nook somewhere. For now, I can totally do this:


Who's up for a sleepover?

TMI, Alex Trebek

While we're on the topic of Jeopardy!--which, let's be honest, aren't we always?--Alex Trebek got a little more personal than usual tonight. Maybe it's because it was the final day of the Teen Jeopardy tournament, and Alex likes rappin' with the kids. He's just a rappin' fool, that Alex Trebek. Just snappin' and jivin' and pronouncing things all funny. Things like neanderthal and quinoa.


Long story short, Alex's favorite animal is the muskox. That's just something he wanted us to know. He even recommended one of the 15-year-old contestants go visit a particular farm in a particular town in Alaska that raises muskoxen. He doesn't just like them, he knows where they live.


Alright Alex. We all know you're an odd guy. You spend a lot of time memorizing obscure Shakespeare passages and probably really like the smell of must. But the muskox? Really? The animal known for its "strong odor in males" and tendency to "mock copulation" when asserting dominance? Basically, this is the weird, smelly frat bro of the animal world. And it has about as much intrigue as a lump of cabbage.

I think it's safe to say Trebek's real reason for liking this generally boring creature is extremely esoteric, as all of his preferences are, I'm sure. What can you really say, except that's Alex.

Now let's humanize him a little bit by seeing him drunk!

Welcome to the Fun House

They've done it. Those crazy Asians have finally done it. They've created the most fun place to live on the planet. Level Architects have made my and every kid's dreams come true with this:






That is one hell of a slide house, boys and girls! Unfortunately, you'd have to go shack up in Tokyo to experience the overwhelming joy that clearly pervades those four walls.

The slide even ends in a secret library


Which brings me to another point about things that make houses awesome: books and nooks. Books and nooks to come. For now, let's continuously ogle this fun house.

It also has a blowing ball pit. For real. These kids are the happiest children on the planet:


This is an actual room in their home, just for them. Just wait until they get old enough for homework. Then what? Mom and Dad are just going to casually get them to stop playing in their awesome in-home ball pit and do math? Pfft, yeah right. Oh wait, they're Asian. Alright, they should be ok.

I guess it's time to start gearing up for Christmas List 2011, because this bad boy is definitely going to top it.

(PS - I basically just jacked this whole thing from dezeen.)

Clam Jam #14: Hey BP, Cover This!

So there's this band, Hungry Kids of Hungary. I'm pretty sure they're Australian and have an album coming out either right now or, like, soonish. What I'm trying to say is I'm not really all about the research right now. I am all about telling you that these guys have some pretty decent (if not a little girly) songs up their sleeves, and a definite Squeeze vibe that's worth getting into.

More important than all of that though, is this one song called Eat Your Heart Out. It would be awesome if Banana Phonetic could blow this thing out in a cover. I couldn't find a video of it, surprise, surprise, but hopefully this works: listen.

... ok, so that doesn't work? and neither does embedding? I don't know what Grooveshark's deal is, but I'm getting a little up in arms here.

Just for the sake of posting something, this song is pretty decent too:



Shit, that's not a video either. Get it together, Erika. GOD.

Whatever. Boys of BP, go look up Eat Your Heart Out. Or don't. I don't know what I'm doing here anymore.

Oh My God

Now, I am not a religious person, mostly because of the Westboro Baptist Church. I have basically written off organized religion on the grounds that it makes people blinded and bigoted and self-righteous and just generally not fun to hang out with on the weekends. But now, I think I've found my man.

Meet Epimetheus, God of afterthought and the father of excuses.


Oh, I'm sorry I didn't cook dinner tonight. I spent the whole night praying to Epimetheus.

Oh man, that laundry. Yeah, sorry-- Epimetheus Day!

In addition to being a lazy son of a bitch, which I can totally respect, Epimetheus is also responsible for giving the animals their positive traits. I love animals! Epimetheus, you rule.



Oh and in case you wanted more of those cray crays over at the WBC, check out this gem of a clip from Michael Moore. You can't wait until Fred Phelps says, "You guys are headed straight to hell in a faggot's handbasket."

Clampocalypse?

You're going to want to skip right ahead to 1:35 ...



By the way, I find this totally disgusting.

If there was a clampocalypse, the world would get a whole lot grosser, and rollier. Look at how this guy moves! Also please note, two miniature versions of Irena and myself freely yelling the world clam at about 0:29. I hope our children sound just like this one day...

Tinkle Tinkle Little Embarrassment

I had to write this for my humor writing class which I just started today for work. (Pretty decent aspect of the old career, eh?) And seeing as I love humiliating myself, I thought I'd share it here. Hooray!

Peeing on playground equipment is not an advisable way to spend an afternoon.

This is one of the first lessons I learned in life, and one that took the longest to live down.

As an awkward 4-year-old in kindergarten, over-riding the state system to inflict Miss McClean’s 1991 class with my pinching problem, unstructured laziness, and complete inability to tie shoes, I faced social obstacles on a daily basis. One of them was recess.

It was a rule at Monsignor McHugh Catholic Elementary that once students left the cafeteria for recess, they were not allowed back in to use the bathroom—a law, no doubt, laid down by God himself. My affinity for Ssips was a problem I had proudly mastered by taking a dutiful bathroom break at the end of every lunch. Up until one fateful March day, I had made it through the potty system unscathed.

Then I discovered “extended kindergarten recess.” It was a celebration of spring, a joyous occasion for all, as we embraced our extra 30 minutes of playtime and clamored around the lawn like a pack of wild dingoes.

About five minutes in, the great Battle of the Bladder began. At first, I tried to stay strong. I played tag, which mostly consisted of crossing my legs on “base” and trying to keep a low profile. When that got to be too much, I took to the swings, with one leg tucked up underneath me for comfort. It was a quiet refuge, until Sergeant McClean called the troops to line up and take one last sadistic ride down the slide.

I panicked. The only tactic I had in my back pocket was to keep avoiding the front of the line, so I could continue to wiggle in peace. But slowly the line grew ever shorter, and more and more of my classmates—34 in all—were forming a semi-circle around the base of the slide. In a tinkle-filled haze, I found myself at the top of the slide, about to go down, and little classmate Aitza Santiago’s puffy, pink, nylon ski jacket lingering at the bottom.

That’s when the bladder platoon captain gave the signal: Full Speed Ahead, and my daily dose of juice box went streaming down the slide, hurdling towards its absorbent, pink landing pad below.

It was the urination heard round the world. Time stood still. No one spoke. Not even Miss McClean.

Then my 5-year-old classroom compatriot Matthew Tribiani said, simply, poignantly, “Erika.”

Yes, I had done it. It was a war crime and there was no escaping. I had lost the battle, and so received my punishment. It was off to the nurse and into an old school uniform circa 1975, of an entirely different pattern and color than the current design in use—the only one that fit me in stock.

My day was spent in the lonely gallows of shame. It’s a loneliness that fills the heart of someone who knows, even as a simple toddler, that this will be the butt of a joke for many, many years to come.

If Irena and I Were Models...

(from the February 2011 Urban Outfitters catalog)

Doggies in the Window

Even though I have a Gary*, I secretly still prefer dogs. That's why I get so excited for the Westminster Dog Show. It's like a cuddlier version of Miss USA. Fortunately, the New York Times has created a totally awesome image gallery of every best of breed winner, so we can all pick out our favorite puppy wuppies!

My favorite puppy wuppies (in order of appearance):

And on the 8th day, God said, let there be naps with Bernese Mountain Dogs.



The Bloodhound, because I want to smush my face in this dog's face.



Yeah, I love huge dogs. The bigger the better, and the Great Dane wins.



The Irish Wolfhound. These guys are just so giant and awesome, and this one time when I was little I got to hang out with one allll day with my babysitter and, man, that dog was just the COOLEST.



Watch out Beyonce, this Otterhound's about to show you up, getting all SORTS of scruffalicious. I'm putting a ring on it. If I owned this dog, I'd walk around the neighborhood singing like Orphan Annie all day, every day.



Alright, so this dog is like, "whaaat?!" but at the end of the day, his name is Cordmaker Rumpus Bumpus, so he obviously gets my vote. (By the way, the breed is the Puli, soon to be known as the North American Rumpus Bumpus. Big shoutz to Genevieve and Armel for bringing this to my attention.)



This one didn't photograph too well, but I've always wanted a Saluki. They look so lithe and delicate, and I want to make one love me. They're like the runway model of dogs.



This Irish Red & White Setter looks like ice cream tastes.



The Shiba Inu is about as close as you can get to a domestic fox. Therefore, gimme gimme.



The Spinone Italiano makes we want to start smoking pipes, wear jackets with leather elbow patches, and drive an Aston Martin. (Yes, I know that's not the intended cultural reference, but it clearly doesn't matter.) Let's do it, Italiano. I name you: Watsioni.



Phew! Well that was fun. Clearly this is only the top 10 of my top 35 breeds. My main goal is to snag some tickets to next year's show at MSG. I'm going to secretly fill my pockets with bacon and then let the magic unfold. I wonder if they screen for that?

*By the way, check out image number 3 (as of today... duh). Actually, even more important to check out is Gary's Bizarro World/Doppelganger: woah, woah, woah.

**Anyone else notice a severe lack of weimaraners, dalmations, pugs, german shepherds, etc.?