Hey, Kids! We're Going to Cupcake Land!

I don't know if you guys know this yet, but a whole new world has opened up right around the corner from my apartment. You could say, according to current scientific theory, that it's a black hole portal opening up into an entire new universe.  That universe... is filled with cupcakes. 

The brand new establishment is actually, factually called Cupcake Land.  Yeah, it's precious.

These cupcakes in Cupcake Land put all other baked goods to shame. There is literally no way to describe how the flavors are so... flavory... so infused into the frosting... so perfectly textured.  (I won't say moist, because fuck that word.) I bet the rulers of Cupcake Land, who undoubtedly hide in the back covered in flour and giggles, look something like this:

(By the way, when you're used to using Photoshop at work, and then you get home and all you have to work with is MS Paint, it's like going from being a healthy, normal person -- maybe someone who runs track--to a paraplegic with Alzheimer's and Autism. It's just that bad. Anyways, apologies for the appearance of King and Queen cupcake. In real life their cupcake tank tops are much, much cooler.)

If I used Four Square, I would dedicate my life to becoming mayor of Cupcake Land.  It would make me the happiest girl in New York, and also quite possibly the fattest.  Even without Four Square I get myself over to this land of joy, this refuge for all things that must immediately go into my mouth, with shocking frequency.

The menu is so intense.  I can't go in without ordering 4 flavors, and it's a problem. 

Clearly, Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday is where it's at, but I don't know... that carrot one is pretty good too. And so basically I'm going every day.  The first week it opened I spent $25 on cupcakes. I haven't spent that much money on a pair of pants in like seven years.

When I told the owner that her sugary delights were my guilty pleasure/fierce addiction, she kindly told me how wrong I was  ("Not guilty! These are good for you!  It's cream cheese!"), and informed me the strawberry shortcake was only 200 calories. Having interpreted the Cupcake Land website, I realize this whole "It's good for you" act is just a sinister cover-up for what she really thinks: "Cupcakeland - bakery that will make you high on sugar." I'm pretty sure my favorite flavor -- the peanut butter -- is hovering around 1,478 calories, but I'm totally cool with that. 

I'm also alright with how disgustingly cute and perfect it is inside. 

These pictures are admittedly awful (probably something to do with me scratching at my neck and blindly fiending for frosting),, but I think you can still get a sense of it.  It's sort of like Barbie and Martha Stewart had a baby that grew up in Paris.  It doesn't get much better than that.

And thus, my ode to Cupcake Land must end.  I'll see you soon, my love.