Really Bad Photoshopping from a Company Who Should Know Better

Seriously Pepsi? How many times do I have to make fun of you before you realize that you suck? You need a new ad agency. This is getting ridiculous.

It looks like Bob from distribution just moseyed on over to the brainstorming sesh with a pack of crayons and drew in that can on his lunch break. This is how you treat product placement? Like a side project for a toddler? (Sorry, Bob. Not that you're a toddler.)

Also, your girl has camel toe over there. It's actually, like, the same size as the Pepsi can. This is clearly a lopsided approach.

Let's get it together.

Obvious News Story of the Week #2

I didn't think it would be so easy to find another extremely obvious news story, but then Bam! An MTV teen mom gets a divorce. Thanks, Leah. I'll cry on the inside for you while wearing sweatpants and eating Oreos on my futon. (Alright, let's be honest. I always cry on the outside during Teen Mom.)


Did you catch that last quote? "Bad life decisions equal good ratings." That's one of the smartest things anyone at TMZ has said in at least ever.

But seriously, Leah's life is pretty sad. One of her twin babies clearly has down syndrome, and probably some neurological disorders, which I'm sure the show's directors did some sort of kitten murder ritual to make happen. You know, for the show. I'm also pretty sure that baby's conditions are much more easily diagnosable than the show would have you believe. The ratings are better if you can really tease out the (completely tragic) prognosis.

So aside from being totally insensitive to this baby mama's hard knock life, there's not much left to say except "Figured" and "Duh." At least we got to see what might have happened had Gary and Amber actually gotten married last season. Oh how I wish...

The Newest Member of Our Family

Remember SPUD balls? Those noisily bouncy, perfectly textured rubbery, made for elementary school recess-y balls that also popped up in every dodge ball and kick ball game you've ever played? Yeah, they were good. And they still are. I just found this beast in Duane Reade, and I am pumped beyond belief:


Not only is it a classic street game ball, bound for the blocks of New York, but it is also covered in a checkered DINOSAUR pattern. It's also Gary's new best wrestling friend.

So, yeah. SPUD league over the summer anyone? This is a serious proposition. If anyone would like to bring sweatbands, spandex biking shorts, and a long roster of potential team names, let me know. I'm down.

Clam Jam #16: You Better Already Be Up On This

So you all are already listening to this in the shower every morning, right? And watching the video every time you're pre-gaming in your kitchen? Just me? What are you THINKING?! This video is so effing legit I can't take it.

Still Here

So the blog, right? The god damned blog! I've been 100% M.I.A. more than I've ever been before. I'm M.I.A. like a bunch of Colombian militants snatched me up while I was innocently scoping out the Lipstick plant in its natural habitat... or something.

Guys, listen. If ever I complained about my job, please disregard all of that. I am currently working from 9am-9pm each day, on average, in addition to some projects on the weekend. And, you know, fine. If I went to business school where it's all "Rawr, 70 hour weeks to prove yourself and move up the ladder, and blarrgghhh! Fucking suits!" Then fine. But you know what? I went to school to be a writer, with the specific aim of doing music journalism. So this has been tough, and unexpected.

And I appreciate the pay check and all, but I would like to be able to schedule both cooking meals and doing laundry in the same day, and not have that blow the fucking schedule to pieces.

Have I mentioned that I'm also recording an album? (Um, have I also mentioned how totally aware and self-conscious I am of the personal nature of this blog post compared to all the others?) Well, yeah. I'm recording an album, and that takes up mega-blocks of time too.

So here stands The Daily Clam, with a new fantastic banner made by the one and only Dan Curry. And here stands my apology for the lack of new posts in the wake of new design.

Should we talk about Rebecca Black? Should we talk about Libya? Should we talk about the weather consistently breaking the 50-degree mark? None of it seems quite right.

You know what does?