These Are a Few Of My Favorite Things

Hey remember me? Remember us? It's been a while, so let's get this self-indulgent 2012 party started with some things I like. (As opposed to most of the time, when I'll just be moaning and bitching about things I don't like.)

 Thing I Like #1: New York City in the 80s 

 Shit was ballinnn! And tuff. And fresh to deff.  (I think now it's just like flossy or something.)

People who chose to live in the city back then were making a real decision, weighing the pros and cons in a much different way than people have to do now.

CONS
 Today: the rent is 2 damn high.
 1980s: I will be surrounded by knife-wielding muggers and heroine addicts on 70% of the city's corners.

PROS
 Today: you can be anyone you want to be and do anything you want to do in the city, so long as you know the right people and the right places to hang out.
 1980s: you can be anyone you want to be and do anything you want to do in the city, absolutely anywhere, even if that entails breaking the law, because no one gives a fuck.

 So... toss up. Let's take a walk down Memory Lane and mull those ideas for a minute.

These kids are dripping with boombox pride. Forget all that hard 'n' scary stuff I was talking about before. This is just adorable. Sadly, in today's city, these kids would probably be the victims of stop and frisk and that boombox would be confiscated faster than you can say "flip the script." Damn.  

For more subway photography, check out this collection from Bruce Davidson. 

Also these! I just can't get enough: 

Man, are those trains not kind of horrifying? In the best way ever? 

Plus, at the time the graffiti was being done by the likes of Scharf and Basquiat and Haring, so, like, whaaat?! 

Clearly awesome. 

Ok, what else? 

Thing I Like #2: Sitting Down on Cool Things Made for Sitting, and Sitting Down on Cool Things That Look Like They Are Not Made for Sitting, but Actually Are 

Like this Molletta Bench by Baldessari E Baldessari! 

I hope that this thing opens and closes so, so bad. Look at that perfect-sized head hole! 

On a more traditional note, the Antelope Rocker by Ernest Race. Throw back! 

Not only does this chair make me want to read more in that charming, breezy, springtime Dove commercial apartment sort of way, but it also goes pretty well with the creepy dream I had last night about having a baby. Yeesh. Watch out, gentlemen. 

(Note: this does not go well at all with my love for 1980s New York, so I think we're safe.) 

Oh hey! Speaking of which, you know what chair does go really well with my love for 1980s New York? Blarrrr!! Bwraaaarrrr! Ack! Alack! Glurblaaaghh: 

This chair from BRC Designs' Risen in 30 Days Collection looks like something one might pull up from the East River after a particularly gruesome week of NYC's 1989-1990 murder spike. I also can't help but think of Paris Hilton. Anyone else, or is that just me? 

Alright, well let's end this chair nonsense on a lighter note. Oh no wait, let's not. Bone chairs! 

These stools made out of old cow bones by Ama Darko Williams will get your living room yelling "Yippe-kay-yay, mother fucker!" and "Pew-Pew! Pew-Pew!" Metacarpals up. 

You know what? Let's not end this chair nonsense at all. In other news.... Jesus Christ Someone Make The Swing Car by Hans Brockhage In Adult Sizes Immediately: 

This is one of the prouder moments for the Germans, wouldn't you say? Sorry I couldn't hear you, I was too busy swinging back and forth in my climby ladder chair car. 

Ok, ok, one more and then onto Thing #3. Let's breathe a fresh sigh of slightly nautical relief and appreciate the Corliss chair by Dunn. Ahhh.. 

Oh and PS - Jessica Carnevale's Puffy Dining Chair is totes a clam: 

Thing I Like #3: Rainbowy Things 

Spoons! 

Puke! (I guess?)

Bridges to nowhere! (Totally!)

Jello? (Show me how!) 

Bike Wheels! (Hey - that's pretty resourceful!) 

Phew! Hopefully that was enough non-sequitur madness to whet everyone's whistle for what is about to be the most-likely-quite-temporary-and-disappointing revival of The Daily Clam! No promises. Just dreamz. 

Got something you love? Tell me about it and I'll make the most totally smashing killer photo round-up, plus probably some awesomely terribly photoshopped collages to boot! Want to add in a cat? Boom--your cat's eating skittles. Want to get some sweet typography involved? Presto! Expletives, riddled throughout. 

LMK, K? THX! BBQ! 

Another Amazing Thing I Now Own

All of this purchase bragging is getting ridiculous. Am I becoming a hauler? Could I somehow be like the Fowlers? (Note: these ladies are great people to love loathing on the internet.)

Whatever, I don't care. Becuase in addition to my AMAZING bouncy ball, I have just purchased an EVEN MORE AMAZING TIMES TEN jacket, and it deserves great amounts of jaw dropping recognition. Behold:


Is it almost enough to overtake THE COAT in its awesomeness?


Join our Town Hall debate Saturday, May 14th to voice your opinion. It's actually on twitter. It's a town hall twibate. #koolkidskoatz


Um, for those of you who clicked the Fowler link and watched the video:
a. "Gimme, gimme. Buy, buy."
b. I hope this jacket helps awkard, choke collar-wearing tweens "understand what they would want more."

Ok PEACE I'm about to go hit the streetz with this thing on and blow everyone's minds.

The Newest Member of Our Family

Remember SPUD balls? Those noisily bouncy, perfectly textured rubbery, made for elementary school recess-y balls that also popped up in every dodge ball and kick ball game you've ever played? Yeah, they were good. And they still are. I just found this beast in Duane Reade, and I am pumped beyond belief:


Not only is it a classic street game ball, bound for the blocks of New York, but it is also covered in a checkered DINOSAUR pattern. It's also Gary's new best wrestling friend.

So, yeah. SPUD league over the summer anyone? This is a serious proposition. If anyone would like to bring sweatbands, spandex biking shorts, and a long roster of potential team names, let me know. I'm down.

Clam Jam #16: You Better Already Be Up On This

So you all are already listening to this in the shower every morning, right? And watching the video every time you're pre-gaming in your kitchen? Just me? What are you THINKING?! This video is so effing legit I can't take it.

Obvious News Story of the Week

Based on the promise of this post title, I hope this can actually become a weekly event. But seriously, who knows if news can ever get this obvious:


Get the full punch line here.

Clam Jam #13: Southpaw Was the Shit

Alright, three cheers for Dio's brithday. If it wasn't for that spectacular evening, we may have never gone to Southpaw, and never danced to the glory that was the 90s. I busted out so many moves that I learned off of MTV's "The Grind." (The most successful was, of course, the pepper shake.) James created a new move: The Dougie, straight into The Bernie. He made several women fall in love with him on the dance floor.

Needless to say, the night, and its jamz, are still hot on my mind. This Clam Jam is brought to you by one of my favorite moments of the night:




Oh and um, here's a video of The Grind? Should we talk about how weird it is that this was an actual show? Maybe focus a discussion on Why the Hell is That Girl Riding a Stationary Bike? Just leave it alone? Yeah, ok.

Clam Jam #11: Wish Me Luck, Or Something

One degree of separation aside (full disclosure, or whatever), I think the concept is spot on, the execution barely falters, and the song makes me wish it was a minute and a half longer. If that's not a successful video endeavor, I don't know what is.

"Old In Florida" by You Can Be A Wesley from loroto on Vimeo.

Hot on the Flesh Market

I just saw SciChi's (yeah, I said it) show "Oddities" for the first time, and it was one of the coolest. It features this shop that was clearly in New York and clearly run by some kooky individuals, and clearly I had to look it up. Enter: Obscura.



It's really real and it's really here, on 10th St between 1st and A, as was primarily expected.


ANYWAY, the store is crazy, creepy cool and I can't wait to go there with Irena and look for clams. (Holy shit they just showed a taxidermied jack rabbit posed shooting a shotgun! In a guy's personal apartment! Just casually in the background and not even part of the show!)

Here's a picture of some Obsucura wares I found on the interwebs:

It's definitely a place you want to go.

Also I realized, upon seeing all of this, that I'm well on my way to a shelf 'o' obscure oddities, though now it's mostly just obscurities (you know, old-timey shit). But seriously, I'm one mummified organism away from living room display victory, and have one more goal to throw in my pocket.

End quote from James: "Let's go buy that flesh! Let's go buy that flesh. We can buy an ancient glove with ancient flesh in it."

Update: A girl just walked in with a jar full of toenails, and then was like Siiike! I make lizard sculptures out of them!

Look What James Found!

If you are a lover of nerdy city history, secret locations, and watching people risk jail time (and their lives) you will be pleased with the following video, brought to you by James.

This is UNDERCITY, a documentary by Andrew Wonder that follows this guy Steve around as he lurks through NYC subway tunnels, shows us the original architecture of the Canal Street sewer (the city's first underground), interviews some people who have been living along train tracks for decades, and climbs to the tippy top of the Williamsburg bridge.

In case you haven't guessed, Andrew Wonder and Steve are super badass. Seriously, take the time to watch:

UNDERCITY from Andrew Wonder on Vimeo.

The Wild and Wonderful West Virginia Drinking Game

I just discovered the greatest documentary I have ever seen -- aside from Jonestown, of course. That's the greatest movie I have ever seen, and maybe just the greatest thing I've ever seen, in general, ever in life. Anyway, let's not let Jim Jones run yet another show. This moment is all about

THE WILD AND WONDERFUL WHITES OF WEST VIRGINIA

Alirght, if you haven't figured it out yet from the trailer, this family is filled with the most badass, hilarious, lawless, backwoods, tragically depressed people on the planet. To quote Hank Williams III, "They are the true rebels of the south."

You're gonna laugh and you're gonna cry, but mostly, you're gonna drank. Because I just made a drankin' game.  (Warning: the first few minutes are going to do you in, but it's to prepare you for the rest of the film.)

To play, you will need:

• A pack of cigarettes
• A pint of whiskey 
• A 30-rack of Budweiser Original

Optional: a couple xanny bars, some crack and/or PCP, and a penchant for murder.

Drink every time:

• You see a tap dancer
• There is a reference to murder
• You are confused by someone’s gender, based on their voice
• Something really inappropriate is said around Tylor, and yet he’s blissfully playing with weird toys
• You see a cigarette within five feet of a child (and finish your beer when a child actually smokes one)
• You see a panniculus

Smoke a cigarette every time:

• Someone gets a tattoo in their own kitchen
• Someone does drugs off a toilet

Take a shot:

• For Bertie Mae's 84th birthday
• When you see tits

Pour out one for the homies when:

• You feel really, really bad for that baby 

Fortunately, this video is streaming on Netflix, so if you have a membership, which I'm pretty sure is everyone by now, you can start the fun right away! Yee haw!

Also good to know -- the movie has a perfectly perfect website. 

Clam Jam #1

Alirght, so the video for B.I.G. E.G.O by Wise Blood is, well, not a video. But this song is so effing phenomenal today, I don't even care. It's officially the first installment of the weekly Clam Jam.

Check it:

All I have is sweet sweet visions dancing in my head of us making a slow-motion video, where everyone is wearing hoodies and making snarly mouths with cigarettes hanging out of them and smashing fruit, or maybe turning over tables covered in confetti and glassware. And obviously throwing up hood signs.

If anyone is interested, I am the opposite of kidding, so let's hook it up.