So I'm heading off to New Orleans tomorrow for work, like a big girl. What better song title for a NOLA trip than "Heat and Hot Water"? Is that actually a total non-sequitur? Whatevs. It makes sense to me.
Here's the band ARMS performing the OG version in the studio (chosen so that once in a while these things can actually be videos, and not just a stagnant picture of a cat or something.)
Alright, so it's a song. It has some good points, some personality, a little build up. The guy's voice could be stronger, which it is in the actual mastered version. (Here, if you care for some reason.)
BUT... the Birds & Batteries Remix! It's so great. It's like wait... OG version? Who are you? Get out of my ears and make way for this:
Showing posts with label travel. Show all posts
Showing posts with label travel. Show all posts
Monday, May 9, 2011
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
You Guys Really Didn't Pay Enough Attention to Dildo
In case you guys missed my groundbreaking, totally important, not even remotely self-serving Christmas list, let me re-highlight for you the greatest find on Google Maps to occur this side of the millennium: Dildo, Newfoundland.
To (totally un-self-servingly) quote myself, "Dildo Newfoundland is a magical place, filled with amazing sights to see. There's The Dildo Dory Grill, Inn By the Bay (where you can get it in... by the bay), and don't forget to take a short journey down to South Dildo, where you can drive down Spread Eagle Road. I repeat, Spread Eagle Road."
The best part? This is all totally real! There are no exaggerations! Dildo is an actual place, deserving our respect, adulation, and a no holds barred onslaught of derisive comments. It is also the place where the poop joke was invented.
Ok, maybe that last one was a lie, but who cares? It's Dildo!
It's also the 482nd reason why I love Canada.
Some other really fun tidbits about Dildo, which you can verify for yourself on Google next time you need an excuse not to do your laundry:
- overlooks Conception Bay
- 4 miles south Cummingers Pond
-35 miles north of the town of Placentia. (Don't act like you can't see what they're getting at.)
This is all the handywork of Captain James Cook and his (hopefully hunchbacked) sidekick Michael Lane. They mapped Newfoundland in the 1760s, and literally just thought it was funny to name things after lame, 18th Century sex jokes. Coincidentally these are the same sex jokes we're making today. According to hilarious Wikipedia phraseology, they "were not above selecting names that might offend overly sensitive readers." And the rest of us just are.
To (totally un-self-servingly) quote myself, "Dildo Newfoundland is a magical place, filled with amazing sights to see. There's The Dildo Dory Grill, Inn By the Bay (where you can get it in... by the bay), and don't forget to take a short journey down to South Dildo, where you can drive down Spread Eagle Road. I repeat, Spread Eagle Road."
The best part? This is all totally real! There are no exaggerations! Dildo is an actual place, deserving our respect, adulation, and a no holds barred onslaught of derisive comments. It is also the place where the poop joke was invented.
Ok, maybe that last one was a lie, but who cares? It's Dildo!
It's also the 482nd reason why I love Canada.Some other really fun tidbits about Dildo, which you can verify for yourself on Google next time you need an excuse not to do your laundry:
- overlooks Conception Bay
- 4 miles south Cummingers Pond
-35 miles north of the town of Placentia. (Don't act like you can't see what they're getting at.)
This is all the handywork of Captain James Cook and his (hopefully hunchbacked) sidekick Michael Lane. They mapped Newfoundland in the 1760s, and literally just thought it was funny to name things after lame, 18th Century sex jokes. Coincidentally these are the same sex jokes we're making today. According to hilarious Wikipedia phraseology, they "were not above selecting names that might offend overly sensitive readers." And the rest of us just are.
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Christmas List 2010 Part Two
December 9th, and the Christmas march keeps rolling on. James and I just celebrated Christmas #1 on St. Nicholas Day Eve, the most obscure of holidays. (Coincidentally it was also Krampus Day, and if you don't know what that is then you better get on it. I have too much to say about Krampus to let it take over this, the Christmas List Part Two.)
Surprisingly, my family up in Connecticut didn't get me a waterfall for my apartment OR a bedazzled pony. We have three more celebrations to go, so I'm holding out and keeping faith in the rest of the fam(s).
To the list!
16. New York City Plates. These plates are where I want to represent, yo. Despite a large portion of the city getting gypped here, the old WB managed to sneak in. And who cares about what's above 65th anyway? Also, I like to imagine Bloomberg eats off these plates going "Moo-oo-ah-hah-hah-hahhhh."
17. Custom rings from Littlefly. Jeremy May takes hundreds of pages out of books, laminates them together and turns them into the most kick ass rings on the planet. I think I'd want one made out of Nine Stories. Or maybe a big chunk of Nabokov's collection of shorts... as long as it could include Sounds and La Veneziana. It would be the best. ring. ever.
Ugh, how boring that this is ring number two on the list, by the way. Moving on...
18. A fancy shmancy apartment. Emphasis on the shmancy, please. I suppose this place will do.
19. iPod DJ station. My favorite new gadget, taking party DJ-ing to a whole new level. You know when you have people over and they all want to plug in their iPod and take over the music? That sucks--especially when you put together a playlist perfectly curated for the party scene of your dreams, where everyone gets down like it's a Bud Light Lime commercial, except they're way cooler and the drinks are better. But alas, music raiders are an inevitable consequence of drunk people gathered in groups. This DJ station makes it all a little more bearable. (And by bearable, I mean awesome.)
(Merkury Innovations also makes these really cool speakers out of recycled candy boxes. Hear the rainbow, or whatever.)
20. A weekend getaway in Dildo, Newfoundland. Seriously, guys. Who's up for spring break? Dildo Newfoundland is a magical place, filled with amazing sights to see. There's The Dildo Dory Grill, Inn By the Bay (where you can get it in... by the bay), and don't forget to take a short journey down to South Dildo, where you can drive down Spread Eagle Road. I repeat, Spread Eagle Road.
Even if we don't go, it's really fun to look up information about Dildo on the internets. Check out these search results:
21. Babushkups When's the last time you wanted to give a cup a hug?
22. Baby ducklings that never get old and just swim around in a cup in my kitchen forever. Plus they never ever poop, or eat. And Gary never tries to eat them, but just licks them on their little duck beaks, and they quack and quack and swim and swim and all is right in the world and there is no more sadness or pain. There is only duckling cup.
23.Glow in the dark sunglasses. And I'll just tell Kanye to suck it.
24. A Roomba. This is clearly for Gary, but I guess it serves the dual purpose of slightly cleaning our house. Unfortunately, these things are insanely over priced. Maybe that's just the cost of watching a cat attack a dog while riding a Roomba.
If we're talking about robots, we should really be focusing on this guy, the R2D2 Robot. Yeah, my bad. That's the one I really want. (He does EVERYTHING!)
25. A gym membership. This is really lame, I know, but I haven't hit one of these bad boys since college, for realz. It's kind of depressing, but not as depressing as the women from Bridalplasty. Gym membership or not, I still win!
(the results of searching "gym thumbs up")
26. The Pi Mobility Bike.
Just kidding. That thing is so douchey I can't even handle it. (Get it? Handle it? That's a bike part.)
27. A trip to the bottom of the ocean. Do you know what kind of awesome stuff goes down at the bottom of the sea? I've only seen about 600 hours of deep sea footage in my life, so I'm not really sure. But I have a hunch it's mind-blowing. Basically, to give me this gift your plan should be this: kidnap a marine biologist's wife (or husband, you sexist) and force him to give me a ride in his submersible, or else.
27 1/2. I also need to see this guy, or the lady gets it.
28. An iPad. Ok? I said it. I just really, really want one. And so do you. You do. Stop denying it.
Have you guys ever gotten your hands on one of these? I have.
First of all, iPads make it so much fun to Netflix-binge in bed. They also make it so much fun to snag the window seat at the coffee shop and watch the hipster parade go by while typing away about meaningless drivel and clicking through apps and games and useless programs, and generally accomplishing nothing aside from embracing new technology at its pinnacle of impracticality.
It is so great!
29. A lifetime supply of Oslo mocha lattes. Speaking of coffee shop hipster parades... Oslo is my coffee shop Mecca. I make the sacred journey as often as weekend hangovers will allow. Then I spend $4 on a delightfully delicious cup of coffee, and drink it as slow as I can, to make it last through more than 5 pages of a book, and also to make it seem worth $4. With a lifetime supply, I could just chug away until I was shaking too much to hold another cup! And then I'd probably just sip it off the table. Mmm...
30. A 1,000% raise. I'm gonna need mad loot to maintain my new apartment, the indoor waterfall and that pony everyone gets me. Plus, I'll want a lot of spending money in Dildo. Hopefully my boss is deeply entrenched in the Christmas spirit.
We made it! Greed is kind of exhausting, you know? I'm worn out from all this want. Except for peace and joy and happiness for all men and all that. I still have room to want that.
Oh, and um, here's a picture of Krampus. For good measure.
He is dripping with holiday cheer.
Surprisingly, my family up in Connecticut didn't get me a waterfall for my apartment OR a bedazzled pony. We have three more celebrations to go, so I'm holding out and keeping faith in the rest of the fam(s).
To the list!
16. New York City Plates. These plates are where I want to represent, yo. Despite a large portion of the city getting gypped here, the old WB managed to sneak in. And who cares about what's above 65th anyway? Also, I like to imagine Bloomberg eats off these plates going "Moo-oo-ah-hah-hah-hahhhh."
17. Custom rings from Littlefly. Jeremy May takes hundreds of pages out of books, laminates them together and turns them into the most kick ass rings on the planet. I think I'd want one made out of Nine Stories. Or maybe a big chunk of Nabokov's collection of shorts... as long as it could include Sounds and La Veneziana. It would be the best. ring. ever.
Ugh, how boring that this is ring number two on the list, by the way. Moving on...
18. A fancy shmancy apartment. Emphasis on the shmancy, please. I suppose this place will do.
19. iPod DJ station. My favorite new gadget, taking party DJ-ing to a whole new level. You know when you have people over and they all want to plug in their iPod and take over the music? That sucks--especially when you put together a playlist perfectly curated for the party scene of your dreams, where everyone gets down like it's a Bud Light Lime commercial, except they're way cooler and the drinks are better. But alas, music raiders are an inevitable consequence of drunk people gathered in groups. This DJ station makes it all a little more bearable. (And by bearable, I mean awesome.)
(Merkury Innovations also makes these really cool speakers out of recycled candy boxes. Hear the rainbow, or whatever.)
20. A weekend getaway in Dildo, Newfoundland. Seriously, guys. Who's up for spring break? Dildo Newfoundland is a magical place, filled with amazing sights to see. There's The Dildo Dory Grill, Inn By the Bay (where you can get it in... by the bay), and don't forget to take a short journey down to South Dildo, where you can drive down Spread Eagle Road. I repeat, Spread Eagle Road.
Even if we don't go, it's really fun to look up information about Dildo on the internets. Check out these search results:
Dildo photos? Oh boy!
Also added to the Christmas list are whatever sort of "dildo treasures" they're selling at the old inn. I repeat, dildo treasures.
21. Babushkups When's the last time you wanted to give a cup a hug?
22. Baby ducklings that never get old and just swim around in a cup in my kitchen forever. Plus they never ever poop, or eat. And Gary never tries to eat them, but just licks them on their little duck beaks, and they quack and quack and swim and swim and all is right in the world and there is no more sadness or pain. There is only duckling cup.
23.Glow in the dark sunglasses. And I'll just tell Kanye to suck it.
24. A Roomba. This is clearly for Gary, but I guess it serves the dual purpose of slightly cleaning our house. Unfortunately, these things are insanely over priced. Maybe that's just the cost of watching a cat attack a dog while riding a Roomba.
If we're talking about robots, we should really be focusing on this guy, the R2D2 Robot. Yeah, my bad. That's the one I really want. (He does EVERYTHING!)
25. A gym membership. This is really lame, I know, but I haven't hit one of these bad boys since college, for realz. It's kind of depressing, but not as depressing as the women from Bridalplasty. Gym membership or not, I still win!
(the results of searching "gym thumbs up")26. The Pi Mobility Bike.
Just kidding. That thing is so douchey I can't even handle it. (Get it? Handle it? That's a bike part.)
27. A trip to the bottom of the ocean. Do you know what kind of awesome stuff goes down at the bottom of the sea? I've only seen about 600 hours of deep sea footage in my life, so I'm not really sure. But I have a hunch it's mind-blowing. Basically, to give me this gift your plan should be this: kidnap a marine biologist's wife (or husband, you sexist) and force him to give me a ride in his submersible, or else.
27 1/2. I also need to see this guy, or the lady gets it.
28. An iPad. Ok? I said it. I just really, really want one. And so do you. You do. Stop denying it.
Have you guys ever gotten your hands on one of these? I have.
First of all, iPads make it so much fun to Netflix-binge in bed. They also make it so much fun to snag the window seat at the coffee shop and watch the hipster parade go by while typing away about meaningless drivel and clicking through apps and games and useless programs, and generally accomplishing nothing aside from embracing new technology at its pinnacle of impracticality.
It is so great!
29. A lifetime supply of Oslo mocha lattes. Speaking of coffee shop hipster parades... Oslo is my coffee shop Mecca. I make the sacred journey as often as weekend hangovers will allow. Then I spend $4 on a delightfully delicious cup of coffee, and drink it as slow as I can, to make it last through more than 5 pages of a book, and also to make it seem worth $4. With a lifetime supply, I could just chug away until I was shaking too much to hold another cup! And then I'd probably just sip it off the table. Mmm...
30. A 1,000% raise. I'm gonna need mad loot to maintain my new apartment, the indoor waterfall and that pony everyone gets me. Plus, I'll want a lot of spending money in Dildo. Hopefully my boss is deeply entrenched in the Christmas spirit.We made it! Greed is kind of exhausting, you know? I'm worn out from all this want. Except for peace and joy and happiness for all men and all that. I still have room to want that.
Oh, and um, here's a picture of Krampus. For good measure.
He is dripping with holiday cheer.
Sunday, December 5, 2010
My Kind of Tourism
Have you ever heard of thanatourism? That would be travel to "macabre destinations," according to a recent article in The Atlantic, and it's a "booming global industry."
Sweet.
Thanatourism is basically my dream come true. It's like watching all my favorite documentaries, except you get to go and think about the violence, disease, and untimely death right in front of the places where it really happened! Ideally, I'd like to go to Jonestown, but I don't think they have a tourism department set up just yet. I'm gonna have to go with Auschwitz as a Plan B.
The thing about all these morbid sites is that their tourism programs focus on some sort of rectification -- whether it's giving money back to victims' families or setting up information centers to send out the message: "Hey, let's not do this again, okay?"
Not Cambodia. At sites of historic importance to the Khmer Rouge--you know, like killing fields and stuff--the Cambodian government is setting up shop just to bring in the dough. No apologies, no paying anything back, no moral to the story, just a sign that reads "Tourism will bring money and jobs."
Real nice, Cambodia. This is almost as cool as exploiting homeless people... except way, way worse.
Apparently there are plans to build a theme park with the money brought in from people going to stare at fields where mass murder took place. Check out this lady doing it:
She looks like a strong supporter of Cambodian water slides. (and maybe fake tits)
This is like thanatourism on speed. The only thing that can really one-up going and staring at killing fields is going on rides that were shamelessly funded by them. It's about as dark as you can get.
While I am totally into thanatourism (and really hoping someone comes out with a travel guide), this next level might actually be too much for me. Historic devastation I'm into, modern tragedy, not so much. Um, unless they put up a water park in Jonestown. Everyone knows that would be the coolest.
Sweet.
Thanatourism is basically my dream come true. It's like watching all my favorite documentaries, except you get to go and think about the violence, disease, and untimely death right in front of the places where it really happened! Ideally, I'd like to go to Jonestown, but I don't think they have a tourism department set up just yet. I'm gonna have to go with Auschwitz as a Plan B.
The thing about all these morbid sites is that their tourism programs focus on some sort of rectification -- whether it's giving money back to victims' families or setting up information centers to send out the message: "Hey, let's not do this again, okay?"Not Cambodia. At sites of historic importance to the Khmer Rouge--you know, like killing fields and stuff--the Cambodian government is setting up shop just to bring in the dough. No apologies, no paying anything back, no moral to the story, just a sign that reads "Tourism will bring money and jobs."
Real nice, Cambodia. This is almost as cool as exploiting homeless people... except way, way worse.
Apparently there are plans to build a theme park with the money brought in from people going to stare at fields where mass murder took place. Check out this lady doing it:
She looks like a strong supporter of Cambodian water slides. (and maybe fake tits)
This is like thanatourism on speed. The only thing that can really one-up going and staring at killing fields is going on rides that were shamelessly funded by them. It's about as dark as you can get.
While I am totally into thanatourism (and really hoping someone comes out with a travel guide), this next level might actually be too much for me. Historic devastation I'm into, modern tragedy, not so much. Um, unless they put up a water park in Jonestown. Everyone knows that would be the coolest.
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