Obvious News Story of the Week #2

I didn't think it would be so easy to find another extremely obvious news story, but then Bam! An MTV teen mom gets a divorce. Thanks, Leah. I'll cry on the inside for you while wearing sweatpants and eating Oreos on my futon. (Alright, let's be honest. I always cry on the outside during Teen Mom.)


Did you catch that last quote? "Bad life decisions equal good ratings." That's one of the smartest things anyone at TMZ has said in at least ever.

But seriously, Leah's life is pretty sad. One of her twin babies clearly has down syndrome, and probably some neurological disorders, which I'm sure the show's directors did some sort of kitten murder ritual to make happen. You know, for the show. I'm also pretty sure that baby's conditions are much more easily diagnosable than the show would have you believe. The ratings are better if you can really tease out the (completely tragic) prognosis.

So aside from being totally insensitive to this baby mama's hard knock life, there's not much left to say except "Figured" and "Duh." At least we got to see what might have happened had Gary and Amber actually gotten married last season. Oh how I wish...

One More Thing (About Teen Mom)

Despite this being a disgrace to real clams everywhere, I'm pretty pleased with myself over Gary Clam. He is way fatter and lazier and worse at proposing marriage than any clam I know of. But he may be more fun to watch on TV, I'll give him that.* Just in case anyone's interested in taking this to the next level, here's Gary Shirley's very own Twitter feed. Right now there are already 1,917 people with equally odd interest in this deadbeat dad!

Also, be sure to check out the Teen Mom Wikipedia page. It's packed with all sorts of fun, stalkery information about the whole cast!



*No wait, I'd be WAY more excited about seeing clams on TV.

The Best/Worst T-shirt in the World

Yes, it's true. We love Teen Mom, almost as much as we love clams. The only problem is, while going around the world expressing love for clams is fun, easy and only mildly alienating, showing love for Teen Mom just comes out like this:

While this is awesome, it's definitely sending the wrong message. I guess I'll just have to keep my Teen Mom love to my self.  (By which I mean talking about it incessantly and posting it on the internetz for everyone to see.)

Hooray for Catelynn and Tyler!

As some of you may know, Erika and I are totally obsessed with Teen Mom. We are obsessed with hating Amber and Gary because they're dumb and lazy; obsessed with calling Farrah a bitch because she is; obsessed with how fucking cute and perfect Bentley is (he gets it from Ryan); and obsessed with feeling really bad for Catelynn and Tyler.

Catelynn and Tyler are clearly the most morally upstanding people on the show. They gave their baby up for adoption because they were ill-equipped to raise it and their parents are hateful drug addicts. It breaks my heart how little support they have even though they deserve so much. Every time Catelynn's mom blows smoke in her toddler son's face, my hopes for humanity are crushed a little more. Every time Butch thinks he can teach them a lesson about "raising children" while being sent off to rehab again, I want to adopt Catelynn and Tyler and give them a whole new life. (In case you're not in the know, Butch is both Tyler's father and Catelynn's Stepfather. Those poor kids.)

Anyway, now I won't have to feel too bad for them. Jezebel has started a donation fund to help Catelynn and Tyler go to college! If I remember correctly, Catelynn wants to be an X-ray technician and Tyler wants to be an EMT. These are both very attainable and admirable goals and I think it's super awesome that strangers on the interwebs would reach out to help them on their way. If you're thinking about donating, click here.

Oh, and remember this, you guys? I loved it.