A Foray with Four Loko

Have you ever been busy?  Like, so busy you can't really figure out when to eat or do your laundry?  Or you get really psyched when you only have four more hours of work and 32 emails in your inbox to deal with?  So busy you can't click on all the funny links people are posting on Facebook and just laughing and laughing and joking away while you're drowning in a pile of paperwork and desperation?  Or maybe you try to go to bed one night but then you start thinking about your to-do list and start crying and hyperventilating and then someone is suddenly putting ice packs on your face and you realize you're having your first honest-to-god panic attack?

(Alright, I'll admit it, I never stopped dicking around on Facebook.)

Unfortunately, all this business and busy-ness will be continuing on for the foreseeable future, but seeing as today is Saturday, I though I'd take a moment to send out a little prequel to all the soon-to-be restored glory and fullness of... constant dicking around on Facebook.  And sometimes writing things.  And photoshopping clams.  (Oh, how I miss the clams.)

Last night James and I had a romantic evening--just us and three of the Four Loko, which I have lovingly nicknamed Gross, Grosser, and Get The Hell Out Of My Mouth.  (You can learn about all the flavors on the "four facts" page, which clearly needed to exist.*)

Seeing as my body has been crushed under the debilitating weight of indefinite big kid obligations, I knew I would need some sort of a pick me up to make it out for Janusz' birthday.  After a brief discussion, James and I came to the only logical solution: popping back a nice big can of meme drink.  (Plus, we heard it got banned in Michigan, and if a state is going to ban something, I'm going to drink it.  Me and every college student in the country that hasn't tried it yet, because, you know, that's how these things work.)

Imagine my surprise and delight when I got home to find this:

 

That's flowers, a candle, cheese and crackers, wine glasses and three Four Lokos--sitting in ice. Look at how sensual those cans of crazy, crazy madness looked in the candlelight. 

Mmmmm. 

Alright, before you go getting all hot and bothered, know this:  Four Loko tastes like a frat boy made jungle juice with sprite and Hawaiian Punch that was actually manufactured in 1992, then filled it with Fun Dip and rufies, and maybe peed in it a little, just for good measure.  James and I started safe, with Cranberry Lemonade, devolved into Blue Raspberry, and then felt too concerned for our health to actually crack Loko Uva, which apparently is a flavor.  We saved little Uva for Janusz to drink at his birthday party, but he politely declined our offer as we were being yelled at for potentially "ruining the night," source to remain unnamed.

Here we are taking our first tastes of Blue Raspberry:

James really seems to be taking it in stride there, doesn't he?  Maybe we should try to set him up as a Four Loko spokesperson.  He can just drink and drink and drink, and die and die and die and we'll make so much money and probably end up on the news somewhere with the title "local idiots."

By the time we made it out for the birthday, I was wholly self-aware of what an asshole I was being, and totally incapable of doing anything about it.  It's like watching a train wreck, but you're also the driver... and also the train, come to think of it.  And you really have to pee all the time. 

Looks like we were keeping some sort of dream alive at the bar... not exactly auspicious.

Conclusion: don't do it, kids.

Back to crippling responsibility.


* If you want to get some really good Four Loko facts, head over to the "Drinking Four Loko is Like Playing With Fire" forum.  Actually, just go there in general -- the main site's called DrugsandBooze.com.

Look What Sarah Can Do!

As some of you may know, September 26 to October 9 was a whirlwind of birthday celebrations. Most importantly, it was Gary Busey's very first birthday!  And he hated his cake so, so much. 

Thankfully, Sarah Tosh is a master of scissors and glue, and is the craftiest craft queen I have ever seen.  Someone should probably hire her over at Kate's Paperie (because then I could get a bunch of cool free stuff and be the craftiest craft queen in training). 

Look at this card she made for a cat!

It even folded from the top like a real card, and was filled with giant neon bubble letters -- Gary's favorite.

Now, as you also may know, Gary is much, much more popular than me, and had a lot more guests at his birthday than I did. But don't worry! Sarah and her paper skillz came to the rescue and made sure I was not to be outdone. First she brought me 70 glowsticks and a tiara. And THEN, she brought me this:

It's a real live card rendition of me, wearing the tiara she brought! It even has green glitter eyeshadow on, just like me!

This is nothing less than incredible. And that's that.

It's Erika's Birthday!

Happy clamday, Erika! I hope this day brings you all of the clams you could ever desire.

I Haz 24 Yearz

Whoa guys, I've been mad MIA for the past two weeks. My clammiest apologies. I went on the most epic east-coast tour of all time during which I did tons of shopping with my mom and tons of drinking with my clams. After that it was my birthday, and I make a habit of not doing anything three days on either side of that glorious event.

After spending about a week doing nothing around my parents' house and playing with cats, I made the trek southward to play with Erika's cat, Gary Busey. He haz one years now, and a pretty epic birthday celebration to go with it. To be fair, I think we all had way more fun than he did. We invited about 20 people into his house, gave him his first dose of catnip, made him wear silly hats, and sang "Happy Birthday" loudly and off-key into his sensitive cat ears.

Gary haz nip

Oh, and then we left him all alone while we continued on to the fun part of the evening. It was my long-awaited foray in to Bulgarian Bar , "New York City's ultimate multi-national drunken-Balkan disco dive barextravaganza." Check out the live video feed, you won't regret it.

Ladies: you look fly as fuck. Boys: Open your eyes.

All good things must come to end, though, and soon I was on a plane back west where I accidentally watched the end of the most recent episode of Teen Mom. I really spoiled things for myself, since I still have a good six hours of Teen Mom to watch before that. Somehow, I think I'll make it. More importantly, though, I realized that five days is simply not enough time to properly express my love to all my clams in the city. So next time, I hope you're all prepared because I may never leave.

When I finally made it home, though, it was the day before my birthday and so celebration times could begin. I share a birthday with our dear friend and roommate, Thomas Daniel Spencer XII so it's usually a pretty good time. We left to go to the grocery store, and when we came back there was a birthday party for us! It wasn't even a surprise, just excellent timing. We were rewarded for making it to age 24 with gifts of funfetti cake and excessive amounts of tequila.

Birthday Dans!

I received many wonderful gifts from my nearest and dearest, including a kick-ass surprise kindle case that came in the mail! The gift to end all gifts, however, came from boyfriend.

Seriously, boyfriend doesn't fuck around. Do you see that basket?? the cloth part comes out and turns into a bag that I can take around town. Also, he painted the whole thing so now it matches my helmet.

Thank you all for reading this boring post about mine and Erika's cats birthday. Starting tomorrow, I will get interesting again. Scouts honor.