You Guys Really Didn't Pay Enough Attention to Dildo

In case you guys missed my groundbreaking, totally important, not even remotely self-serving Christmas list, let me re-highlight for you the greatest find on Google Maps to occur this side of the millennium: Dildo, Newfoundland.


To (totally un-self-servingly) quote myself, "Dildo Newfoundland is a magical place, filled with amazing sights to see. There's The Dildo Dory Grill, Inn By the Bay (where you can get it in... by the bay), and don't forget to take a short journey down to South Dildo, where you can drive down Spread Eagle Road. I repeat, Spread Eagle Road."

The best part? This is all totally real! There are no exaggerations! Dildo is an actual place, deserving our respect, adulation, and a no holds barred onslaught of derisive comments. It is also the place where the poop joke was invented.

Ok, maybe that last one was a lie, but who cares? It's Dildo!

It's also the 482nd reason why I love Canada.

Some other really fun tidbits about Dildo, which you can verify for yourself on Google next time you need an excuse not to do your laundry:

- overlooks Conception Bay
- 4 miles south Cummingers Pond
-35 miles north of the town of Placentia. (Don't act like you can't see what they're getting at.)

This is all the handywork of Captain James Cook and his (hopefully hunchbacked) sidekick Michael Lane. They mapped Newfoundland in the 1760s, and literally just thought it was funny to name things after lame, 18th Century sex jokes. Coincidentally these are the same sex jokes we're making today. According to hilarious Wikipedia phraseology, they "were not above selecting names that might offend overly sensitive readers." And the rest of us just are.