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Hey Kids - It's National Celebrate Something Asinine Day!

Man, America. I know you all like to get drunk, but can't we just admit it and stop making up holidays to celebrate? Or why not claim it National Drinking Century? That should clear everything for a while.

Whatevs. Until that happens (which, duh, it will), here are some things I'll be drinking to for the next few weeks. These are real holidays, celebrated by totally normal people, all across America, particularly in those parts of America where the majority of citizens have garden gnomes, and seasonal flags.

Ok, let's start things off right with June 19-25: Carpenter Ant Awareness week. Only one day left to get all your carpenter appreciation out! I'll start you off with a little factoid (for your awareness)-- carpenter ants hollow out sections of trees to make wood, but they DON'T eat it! That's termites, son. Now you know.


June 27 - Decide to be Married Day. Watch out James. I'll be doing shots and dreaming up my best proposal speech, which will probably contain the word "di'ntcha."

ALSO on June 27: "Happy Birthday to You" Day. This is especially offensive to people actually born on the day of June 27, so I'll be spending most of my partying time pouring one out for all those homies.

June 30: National Hand Shake Day. Germaphobes, get your gloves on. And peace be with you.


July 2: I Forget Day. Man, if there was ever a holiday to drink through, it's this one. Plus it's fourth of July weekend, so get to it!

July 6: Take Your Webmaster to Lunch Day. So, uh...yeah. Looks like you better hurry up and get yourself a webmaster. Preferably one who likes to shotgun beers.

July 10: Don't Step on a Bee Day. A grueling day for beekeepers everywhere. Cheers to you, beekeepers!

Whew! Well, after all those hard-partyin' celebrations, I'm going to need to take a little breather. But rage on America, you crazy, crazy bastards.

BRAAAAAAIINNSSS

Oh snap! The Daily Clam is back from the dead, mud sucker! (This post has been censored by TNT, who is sick of all my bad language and stink.) I got some interns around, got some junior associates around, and now, all of a sudden my life is back on track.

What better way to celebrate coming back from the dead than with a post about zombies?

Zombie love is the most important morbid dead stuff craze, clearly outweighing any of this current vampire nonsense. Those bloodsuckers are so petty and short-lived, they're already being taken over by werewolves. Full moons, rah rah. No way is any of that stuff ever going to hold a candle to zombies.

Over the decades, man's love for dead men eating other men has been expressed in a great number of ways. There are the movies, duh. But there are also books and calendars and garden ornaments and just all sorts of crazy stuff.

And there are many, many people--just average, ordinary, typically drunk people--who love to pretend they are the risen dead.

You have emo zombies...

Embarrassing dad zombies...

The zombies who like turtles...


This guy...

The I have a strange message about feminism zombies...

The holy shit you're actually a zombie zombie...

Zombie bunny?


And the always-confusing, not quite sure how I'm supposed to be feeling about this, sexy zombies.

Whew, what a thrill ride! Feel free to send in all your favorite zombie pictures because - hey! who's working?

Addendum: Remember that time we were those average, ordinary, typically drunk people who love to pretend they're the risen dead? We loved it so much.