The New and Improved Daily Clam

As you may have noticed, The Daily Clam got a sexy new makeover. We're a bit sleeker, a bit more polished, and a bit more grown up, though we're still the same drinking, smoking, rainbow-loving ladies we've always been. It's a lot like JWoww's Harper's Bazaar makeover, but with less boobs.

We must give our deepest thanks to the very handsome and talented Dan Curry, who also made the banner over at 90on95. He redesigned the whole site for us because he loves us and appreciates our deep and abiding love for clams, funny internet videos, and mocking the south. We hope you guys enjoy our new redesign. In honor of this glorious occasion, here are some very awesome clams.

A Movie Everyone Should Watch

Uh, or not, if you want to continue feeling ok with your life, health, and the future of mankind.



This documentary is really great, and runs the full gamut of issues that arise from bottled water. (Bonus: it's play instant on Netflix.) I'm seriously considering carrying around a giant glass container around with me for the rest of my life--possibly the Thermo.

Sounds of Shellfish Video Consortium (a.k.a. The Most Epic Clam Jam of All Time)

Put your party hats on. We're sinking deep to the bottom of the sea for the most clamtastic underwater dance party this side of the universe. (I know that because, you know, water's tough to find out there.)

Now, we all know there are many kinds of shellfish. But let's kick it off with the obvious. (I just can't contain myself.)

Can you believe that video exists? Man, that was fun. On to the next!

If you thought that last video was made by a person who's probably, generally pretty creepy and is keeping the whole "having friends" thing to a bare minimum, then what do you think about the guy who made this?

That song is as good as that video was sad and confusing. The description? "Pulling Mussels (From the Shell) with footage from 1960 Seaside Heights, New jersey." Sure, why not. Let's just mash those two things together, because what else are you going to do with your "Footage of Seaside Heights, New Jersey" collection? Can't just leave that sitting next to the TY Beanie Babies your whole life.

Hey guys... so now that we've gotten two clam jams under our belt, want to see another totally odd, slightly creepy, this time non-sequitur video?

Man, I could hardly get through that! Nice video Parker McParkinsons. Ah, but how I love Stephen Malkmus. And oysters! It's a perfect pairing.

Don't worry, this next video is an actual music video... oh no wait, it's totally not. That's just footage from Disney's Alice in Wonderland. Just some random clips that have absolutely no connection with the song. God, youtubians. What are you doing with your lives?

You know, I bet all the other shellfish make fun of crabs for their stupid legs. Who walks on those? Stupid crabs.

Alright. I've had about enough of this unrelated content. At least the Elvis fans know how to make a video...

This, by the way, is both my personal mantra and my life's theme song.

Ok, should we stop at five for now? Secretly (err.. not so secretly) I have a couple more up my sleeve. I was putting them all together to make Asher a CD that would UTTERLY BLOW HIS MIND. Guess I kinda ruined it. But what else can you do when it's 75 degrees out and you're stuck at your desk watching the sun slowly set, waiting for your boss to get out of a meeting so you can present him your work, you know? What else do you do?

Maybe when I get home I'll put up the rest...

Obvious News Story of the Week

Based on the promise of this post title, I hope this can actually become a weekly event. But seriously, who knows if news can ever get this obvious:


Get the full punch line here.

The Silver Lining

Alright, so I've been paying far too much attention to this nuclear disaster in Japan (which everyone should have expected of me by now), and perhaps my commentary has remained insensitive (as it is wont to do). I would just like to say that the following (awesome) information with its generally unapologetic tone is in no way reflective of my actual feelings towards the Japanese people or their horribly tragic situation.

After hours of reading the New York Times and watching CNN today, I finally laid eyes on what may be the most heart-wrenching footage to come out of this entire disaster. Well, actually I only saw the teaser to the heart wrenching footage, which shows, Anderson Cooper explained, one injured dog unwilling to leave another injured dog behind amidst the rubble of the tsunami. This was said over a brief clip of the able-to-walk dog looking frantically back and forth between rescue crews and the shivering, immobilized dog in said story. And seriously, I almost shed a tear over 1.5 seconds of film.

And then I remembered Homeward Bound, one of the least mentioned gems of the 90s. This is the silver lining of watching two injured dogs whimper to each other: remembering Homeward Bound exists. That's it. That's all there is. Consider this trailer the one salvaged treat from the scrap heap, and (however begrudgingly) thank me.



Also, I'm pretty sure my kids are going to watch this trailer and find it odd in the same way I find the Deliverance trailer odd. How can a couple years make movies so different?

The Real OG

Here's a quick moment for all you number one stunners out there.



Oh wait, did I say it was a quick moment? I want to drink in all this amazing detail.

Aw, The South: Part 3

In our continuing map-based series mocking the deficiencies of the south, I'd like to draw everyone's attention to something very near and dear to my heart: our nation's diabetes belt.

Haha, just kidding! But seriously, take a look at this so-called diabetes belt.

I'm thinking the southeast is so saturated with diabetics because of it's proximity to the Coca-Cola factory. I don't know about you guys, but when I hear the phrase "diabetes belt" all I can think of is this.

Aw, The South: Part 2

State by state, who's getting out to the dentist? Here's a hint: it's not the south.




Check out some other cool maps and such here.

I Missed National Grammar Day

Man if theirs a day I live for its National Grammer Day? March Forth has came and went, and I didn't even notice it: bummer.

At least I can listen to the Grammar Hall of Shame playlist.

Aw, The South

I was doing some research for a new project on income and education today, and stumbled upon this amazing graphic from ACS' Education Attainment in the United States: 2007 Report. (It's the latest one available.) Judging by how much this makes me want to point and laugh at the south, I'm probably not the right man for the non-profit education research role I've just been thrust into, eh?

Clam Jam #15

Just revisited my "morning mix" for the first time since the fall, and shuffle uncovered this winner pretty quickly. Out of all my personal ego stroking moments, I think this is the most genuine, because I 100% do not remember a) adding this song to this mix or b) ever hearing this song at all, period. And yet, I'm like, "Yo, this song is just embodying my walk to the train at 8:47 a.m." (Alright, let's be honest, it's 8:53).

Semi-gratuitous clarification: This song embodies my walk to work when it's 28 degrees and overcast, a.k.a. all of January and February. Come July, it will be a whole new, probably-more-upbeat story.

Rock, Paper, Idiot

Are you smarter than a computer? The New York Times lets you test your wits against one in a classic game of Rock, Paper, Scissors. The screen grab below shows that my brain came out victorious. However, this is the second time I played. The first time I lost, 4 to 11. So when robots take over the world, don't come to me for help.




Test it out for yourself.

Stop Motion

Stop motion videos! What fun!

This first one kind of creeps me out a little? It's definitely not supposed to. It's really cool, especially when she starts "swimming."

Here's another, reminding us all how insanely annoying it is to watch someone else play Tetris. Idiot!

I'm pretty sure this beard growing one is going around, but man, I need to harp on it. All stop motion videos are outrageously tedious to make, but this one took an entire year of dedication. And how did he line himself up so well day by day? I'm impressed.

Alright, is all of this getting a little dull? Let's end it on awesome:

Books and Nooks

Aren't books great? Don't say no; you'll look like an idiot. It's a fact of humanity that books are indeed fantastic.

But man, they take up so much space! I live in a 2x4 box and I have a really hard time throwing out printed materials. Magazines I find stupidly hard, but at least I can do it every six months or so. But books? I can not throw out a book. I must hold on to it and stare at it taking up space on my shelf for all eternity.

There's something about feeling like you have a library that's really satisfying, right? That's why I'm really satisfied that an entire wall of my living room is taken over by a series of book shelves. Granted, only the bottom half of said shelf system is actually holding books, but that's because we happen to hold onto a lot of other junk too, specifically... curios. So there are some books in the kitchen and under the bed too, but WHATEVER. That's not the point. The point is putting lots of books together into a library is a super satisfying thing to do in life. Plus, it makes you look smart, and probably kinda cool. (Unless you're like me and you put your books together by genre. Then you're a nerd who should probably go work at the library and get it all over with.)

There are many ways to put your books to decorating use. Check it:
Bet you never thought to make the walls out of books, huh? Well, you can thank the Michel Berger Hotel in Berlin for this one. Apparently it's a really rad hotel with theme rooms. Yeah, I said it: rad. Totally tubular.

This bookshelf is combining my love for book storage with my intense love of maps, and well... it's intense. My love for it is intense. I want a grand foyay to display all of my amazingness amongst these stately shelves.


(I'd probably just fill the Alabama shelf with porn and the backs of cereal boxes, because let's get serious.)

Another really awesome thing to do with books is color code them. Full disclosure: I did this with my CDs back in the day when people actually had those.



Speaking of color coding, and other tedious tasks:



Woo, that was fun!

If you're going to decorate your home with books, then man, you gotta have a nook. Books and nooks is like peanut butter and jelly! Ricky and Lucy! Stickers and glitter!

(Sneak attack: some of these people combined their nooks and their books. It's pure genius.)



Hello!? This nook makes me want to get tuberculosis or something. I would never ever leave, and drink so much tea and paint my nails so many colors and read SO MANY BOOKS. (Assuming I wasn't dying or anything. Whatever.)


Aren't they beautiful?

I desperately want to live in a place where I can build a nook somewhere. For now, I can totally do this:


Who's up for a sleepover?

TMI, Alex Trebek

While we're on the topic of Jeopardy!--which, let's be honest, aren't we always?--Alex Trebek got a little more personal than usual tonight. Maybe it's because it was the final day of the Teen Jeopardy tournament, and Alex likes rappin' with the kids. He's just a rappin' fool, that Alex Trebek. Just snappin' and jivin' and pronouncing things all funny. Things like neanderthal and quinoa.


Long story short, Alex's favorite animal is the muskox. That's just something he wanted us to know. He even recommended one of the 15-year-old contestants go visit a particular farm in a particular town in Alaska that raises muskoxen. He doesn't just like them, he knows where they live.


Alright Alex. We all know you're an odd guy. You spend a lot of time memorizing obscure Shakespeare passages and probably really like the smell of must. But the muskox? Really? The animal known for its "strong odor in males" and tendency to "mock copulation" when asserting dominance? Basically, this is the weird, smelly frat bro of the animal world. And it has about as much intrigue as a lump of cabbage.

I think it's safe to say Trebek's real reason for liking this generally boring creature is extremely esoteric, as all of his preferences are, I'm sure. What can you really say, except that's Alex.

Now let's humanize him a little bit by seeing him drunk!

Welcome to the Fun House

They've done it. Those crazy Asians have finally done it. They've created the most fun place to live on the planet. Level Architects have made my and every kid's dreams come true with this:






That is one hell of a slide house, boys and girls! Unfortunately, you'd have to go shack up in Tokyo to experience the overwhelming joy that clearly pervades those four walls.

The slide even ends in a secret library


Which brings me to another point about things that make houses awesome: books and nooks. Books and nooks to come. For now, let's continuously ogle this fun house.

It also has a blowing ball pit. For real. These kids are the happiest children on the planet:


This is an actual room in their home, just for them. Just wait until they get old enough for homework. Then what? Mom and Dad are just going to casually get them to stop playing in their awesome in-home ball pit and do math? Pfft, yeah right. Oh wait, they're Asian. Alright, they should be ok.

I guess it's time to start gearing up for Christmas List 2011, because this bad boy is definitely going to top it.

(PS - I basically just jacked this whole thing from dezeen.)

Clam Jam #14: Hey BP, Cover This!

So there's this band, Hungry Kids of Hungary. I'm pretty sure they're Australian and have an album coming out either right now or, like, soonish. What I'm trying to say is I'm not really all about the research right now. I am all about telling you that these guys have some pretty decent (if not a little girly) songs up their sleeves, and a definite Squeeze vibe that's worth getting into.

More important than all of that though, is this one song called Eat Your Heart Out. It would be awesome if Banana Phonetic could blow this thing out in a cover. I couldn't find a video of it, surprise, surprise, but hopefully this works: listen.

... ok, so that doesn't work? and neither does embedding? I don't know what Grooveshark's deal is, but I'm getting a little up in arms here.

Just for the sake of posting something, this song is pretty decent too:



Shit, that's not a video either. Get it together, Erika. GOD.

Whatever. Boys of BP, go look up Eat Your Heart Out. Or don't. I don't know what I'm doing here anymore.