Sipping Reality

Pepsi has been trying to be more popular than Coke since the beginning of time.

A quick glance at the facts, and you get this:

From it's (totally disgusting) start in 1898, the Pepsi logo has gotten more work done than Joan Rivers. And like Joan Rivers, there's always something just a little off. No matter how much you try to trash talk Coke's dress, its is always going to look better on the red carpet.

And remember this?


No, not even Britney Spears' exposed belly button could save Pepsi from the throes of second place.

Over the past 112 years, Pepsi Co. has earned its place as the world's greatest practitioner of futility. (Finally, number one!) It makes you feel kind of bad for them, right?

Well then maybe you can get guilted into Pepsi's next gimmick. At first glance, this just might work. People might enjoy it. Until those people think for two seconds and realize it's kind of disgusting, kind of makes you a little... uncomfortable.

Behold:
The Pepsi throwback, first of all, looks awesome. It makes me think of the good ol' days when my biggest concern was riding my bike after sundown and not getting bug spray on my knee scratches. This can, in retrospect, was a pretty nice looking specimen.

But alas -- the horror! The throwback is made with REAL sugar for a LIMITED TIME ONLY. Why, Pepsi? Why? You have thrown yourself under a bus once again. And you're probably going to need a Coke to revitalize your spirits.

This is 2010. We are living in an era of tree hugging marketing gone wild. Everything MUST be real. It MUST be organic. The seeds of Pepsi's sugar should be hand-sown by vegan yoga masters in the hills of the redwood forest.

Why on earth would they tell us that in a little while Pepsi is going to be filled with some sort of fake sugar? (Probably corn syrup, I suppose.) Pepsi is blatantly admitting failure, holding hands with defeat and giving it a big old gun and wink smile. And it doesn't even KNOW IT.

I bet Gap logo is smiling, wherever he is.